there are things i don't understand. men. marriage. cheating. i'm involved in all three and none of them seem to work for me. my husband and i don't get along. i wish i had never gotten married. i found a guy that i want desperately. he's married too. he wants me but only on his terms. he tells me that he will call or come over and he just blows me off. i understand that being married i shouldn't care. but if i wanted to have all this shit going on i would just deal with the husband. i feel ugly and unwanted. it's like i'm not good enough. i don't know what to do about it. i guess the first step is to try to work on what i have. but, i don't know if what i have is worth the effort. i'm not going to call or text the other guy tomorrow. fuck him. he can come to me if he wants me. i'm better than begging. i'm not going to chase anyone. it hurts so fucking much. i don't know waht to do anymore. life would be so much easier if i had never gotten married. but everything happens for a reason. i just don't know what the fuck to do anymore.